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Sophia's Children

Living and Leading the Transformation.

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Drama Drama Conflama – Drama Kings and Queens

BlogShare: Who We Invite to Tea – From Janet at M+M blog

I appreciated the collection of musings and blog-shares that artist and fellow blog-sister Janet Chui shared in her blog post. Janet gathered up a few of her favorite web-finds and musings of recent days, and the selection includes an invocation... Continue Reading →

Energies of Now: Fired Up, Wired Up and … Just Maybe, Magical.

Just when you thought it might be safe to go back into the water, another wave from the Zap Zone. As we know, though, where there's friction and agitation -- where there be monsters -- there's the potential for creativity... Continue Reading →

Angry People. Stay calm and keep on walking.

Mabel Normand in the 1914 Chaplin film, Mable's Strange Predicament. Image is public domain and courtesy of Wikipedia.
Mabel Normand in the 1914 Chaplin film, Mable’s Strange Predicament. Image is public domain and courtesy of Wikipedia.

This is a good reminder from Laurie Rohner, since the Energies of Now may well stir up the ol’ Hissy Fits and Tantrum Yoga outbursts, and the drama-drama-conflama moments.

Full moon, lots of zap-zone energetics buzzing around, and the ups-and-downs potentials of fiery and watery, yang and yin astro-energies (a.k.a. the energy field we live, breath, and interact in!).

Stay present, stay cool, and have your ‘soothing remedies’ at the ready!

(Head to the Sophia’s Children Empaths & Sensitives Series for other timely tips on ‘Hissy Fitters’ and ‘soothing remedies’!).

Big Love, Deep Breaths, and and a nice cup of cucumber, lavender and peppermint tea!
Jamie

watercolor illustration by Laurie Rohner Think of a peaceful place and let the anger go.

Let me share a story with you.

Yesterday an email hit my inbox from Etsy. It was for a custom order. I opened the email and found this young women ranting with profanity about how I had sent her a twitter feed and to stop it. Now I admit I don’t know how things work but I do know that this was her issue – not mine. I replied back explaining I had nothing to do with her feed being filled up with my etsy posts – 5 to be exact –  and she was not to contact shop owners through the custom order request. I said I was sorry this happened and wish her a better day. She then shot me another scathing email how she has reported me to twitter – hum don’t understand why – and that…

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Leaning Into Your Strengths – Empaths and Sensitives Series

Here's the latest article in the Empaths & Sensitives Series here at Sophia's Children. This one takes a look at a couple of ways that Empath-Sensitives can "live into their strengths" and gain more mastery over the gifts, while being more aware and skillful in the face of the challenges of being an Empathic-Sensitive in a loud and often bully- and Narcipath-favoring culture.

Mercury+Pluto: Tetchy, Combustible Muck or … the Golden Thread

“If you can keep your head when all about you people are losing theirs and blaming it on you…” ~ Rudyard Kipling You know how there are those times when people seem to be more on the edge than usual... Continue Reading →

Energies of Now: Zap-Zone HoliDaze and Handy Reminders

Uh-yup, it's a doozy of a week, a dilly of a pickle, and the bees knees of energetic swirling dervishes ... and likely a few Tantrum Yogis and Hissy Fit Artists, too, doin' their thing. Super sweet, but also typical... Continue Reading →

Be(a)ware the Catastrophobia and Nattering Nabobs

In yesterday's "Current Special Offerings" musing, I referred to the latest swirl of 'buzz' related to the Energies of Now for the coming weeks. Yes, it's got it all, complete with the usual servings of catastrophobia and missives from the... Continue Reading →

Special Offerings and Programs for September

There's a lot of 'buzz' swirling about particularly intense energies and 'waves' and myriad other things for September 2015. This, of course, includes the usual yet unfortunate supply of 'catastrophe addiction' and 'drama, drama, conflama' type stuff stirring the ol'... Continue Reading →

The Ways Narcissists Get Inside Your Head – from Self-Care Haven

My Bad Hair Day, by Anissa Bryant, April 2013. Generously shared in the public domain.
My Bad Hair Day, by Anissa Bryant, April 2013. Generously shared in the public domain.

I linked to Shahida Arabi’s excellent “Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Headin my Sophia’s Children post on “When Withholding is a Toxic Tactic” (part of the ongoing Resources for Empaths & Sensitives Series).

But it’s so relevant on a number of levels, reflecting some of the less savory interpersonal dynamics that are considered normal in our interpersonal experiences at home, at work, in the community — and even moreso with a variety of research studies showing a disconcerting rise in Narcissistic behavior over the last 10-15 years.

And Narci (Etc.) tactics are well-honed and very, very effective.

They can leave even the most centered, confident, skillful, aware, and ‘successful’ people feeling spin-cycled, fogged-out, confused, upset, ashamed, and ultimately, a mere shell of themselves (as one Narci-abuse survivor, in our conversation, phrased the effects of being in a relationship with such a person).

As Carrie Barron, M.D., writes in her Psychology Today article aimed at those who were targeted by Narci-Abusers:

“Recent findings indicate they take pleasure in successful manipulations. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport.”

In hindsight, those who became Narci-prey and were thus Narci-manipulated end up wondering, often with no small degree of internalized self-judgment and shame, “How the heck did that happen?”

Dr. Barron continues: “The transformation of a hopeful, can-do enthusiast into a dismal, wary withdrawer is a form of soul murder. But to those thus violated, take heart. Understanding the complexities of what/who you were dealing with might make you feel better.”

Even people who encounter some of the classic Narci-Abuser behaviors and tactics — if not full-tilt Malignant Narcissists or Socio/Psychopathic types — at work, at home, or in their communities (or online, for that matter), can benefit immensely from recognizing the tactic, becoming more aware, and stepping into more empowered choice rather than unconscious puppet-reaction.

So I wanted to share a couple of other links highlighting Shahida’s work from her Self-Care Haven blog.

She spotlights some of the specific toxic-tactics that, while normalized in a ‘tough love’, bully-centric culture, are actually abusive and harmful.

So it’s wise to have a look and be better able to recognize them as they come up, which gives us the option of practicing into more healthy, self-and-other respecting ways of relating (or choosing to disentangle from chronically disrespectful relationships).

I particularly appreciate that Shahida includes ‘Triangulation’ in her list of toxic-tactics to recognize, along with other common toxic-tactics like ‘gaslighting’ and ‘Hoovering’ (part of the recognized ‘stir and repeat’ Abuse Cycle), as Triangulation a common ploy and yet not as frequently noted.

Find another of Shahida’s Narci-Awareness posts here: 20 NarciPath Tactics to Be Aware of (and awareness is empowering)

https://sophias-children.com/2017/02/24/oh-those-narcipaths-shahidas-20-narci-tactics/

Check out Shahida’s most recent Self-Care Haven post: 5 Powerful Reality Checks for Survivors of Narci-Abuse.

Thanks to Shahida, and to you, my very dear and much-appreciated readers and fellow empaths and Sophia-kindred-spirits!

Big Love,
Jamie

Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

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In popular culture, the term “narcissistic” is thrown about quite loosely, usually referring to vanity and self-absorption. This reduces narcissism to a common quality that everyone possesses and downplays the symptoms demonstrated by people with the actual disorder. While narcissism does exist on a spectrum, narcissism as a full-fledged personality disorder is quite different.

People who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those who have traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder  can operate in extremely manipulative ways within the context of intimate relationships due to their deceitfulness, lack of empathy and their tendency to be interpersonally exploitative. Although I will be focusing on narcissistic abusers in this post, due to the overlap of symptoms in these two disorders, this post can potentially apply to interactions with those who have ASPD to an extent.

It’s important in any kind of relationship that we learn to identify the red flags when interacting with people who display malignant narcissism and/or…

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Empaths+Sensitives Series: When ‘Withholding’ is a Toxic Tactic

That's right. Withholding as a toxic-normal interpersonal tactic. The proverbial simmering silent treatment or cold shoulder that leaves us (or others) wondering what the heck happened, what we did wrong (even if we didn't actually do anything wrong and sort... Continue Reading →

I’m not complaining: Rudy Francisco

Woburn_England_SPR07_Churchyard_FloralsInconveniences aren’t tragedies (there’s a difference).

A bad hair day (or month) does not a Dark Night make.

Here’s an evocative and passionate spoken-word challenge from Rudy Francisco, via Arlene Summerton Smith (Thanks Arlene!) on just this topic.

Have a look at Rudy’s youtube video (shared by Arlene … follow the link below) and see what it stirs for you.

Big Love,
Jamie

Science and Story

I have a bit of a headache this morning—a rare event for me. But I’m not complaining.

My house is overdue for a good scrub, and I really don’t like cleaning. But I’m not complaining.

Yesterday I had to pick my son up early from his school alpine ski team practice. The timing of the pick-up put us in rush-hour traffic. We snailed from one end of the city of Ottawa to the other at the paint-drying-watching speed of 20 kilometers per hour. But I’m not complaining.

Rudy Francisco set me straight. His poetry slam performance gives all of us first-world, privileged, spoiled folks a timely tongue lashing. I won’t complain because my inconveniences are not even tragedies. I don’t even need the tip of my tongue to accommodate them.

He fired me up for my day. I hope he does the same for you. Few, if any, of us…

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Resources for Empaths and Sensitives Series

Ahhh, to be an actual, 'just wired that way' Empath -- One who is naturally made to be more sensitive to the energy currents (subtle and not-so-subtle), including the thoughts and  emotions wafting and swirling around us at any given moment.... Continue Reading →

Empaths & Sensitives Series – Leveling [Part 3]

[This is Part 3 of the ongoing 'Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives' series. If you haven't already, you'll want to read the intro article first - you'll find it here. The second post in this series shared more on these types of dynamics... Continue Reading →

Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives: Offloads, Energy Vamps, and Other Occupational Hazards [Part 2]

[This is Part 2 following the initial post for this particular 'Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives' series. You may wish to read that intro post first - you'll find it here.] In the Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives intro-article, I emphasized... Continue Reading →

Resources for Empaths and Sensitives: Unveiling Offloads, Energy Vamps and Other Occupational Hazards [Part 1]

Welcome to the Resources for Empaths & Sensitives Series introductory post. As is the case with much of my writing and mentor-coaching, this series grew out of my own personal experience, as well as what I saw and learned over... Continue Reading →

“You’re too sensitive!” Not.

"You're too sensitive!" I heard that all the time while I was growing up, and have heard it on occasion since. I've heard it said to others, too, and know peeps who heard it as well. Like many who are... Continue Reading →

Be(A)ware of tantrums, outbursts, hissy fits, and offloads

Yes, we continue to navigate the ongoing Touchy Tantrum Zone that accompanies times of intense energies, archetypal pinches, and overall Big Transformation cycles. Perhaps you've felt it? Or maybe you've noticed it (or have been psychically vomited on ... see... Continue Reading →

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