Happy New Year to you! In the previous post, I shared Pat McCabe's inspiring message about The Magic of Water (and Sacred Relationship). This is another musing about sacred relationship, water, and standing for the shared values that unite us.... Continue Reading →
It's a fine time to sip from the deep well of inspiration and Wisdom, not just because we're in the Season of Lights and Twelve Days of Christmas, but also to re-inspire as we make the passage from one calendar... Continue Reading →
“When power is used in a non-consensual situation, it is a wrong. Men who improperly harass or assault do not do so because they are gay or straight — that is a deflection. They do so because they have the... Continue Reading →
Wild times, eh? And it's Independence Day (or week, or year?) here in the U.S. In such a large (just shy of 322-million people) and very diverse population as we have in many parts of the U.S., 'holidays' like this... Continue Reading →
“Mind can neither recognize nor create beauty. … Many people are so imprisoned in their minds that the beauty of nature does not really exist for them.” ~ Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. Here's a short musing from notes... Continue Reading →
There's a Fiery Phoenix (and Phoenixing update) musing brewing -- stay tuned. The recent and current 'energy weather' is fiery, and as we know (yawn), that always amps up the Hissy Fit, Tantrum Yoga & Psychic Spew potential. On a... Continue Reading →
"The possibilities that exist between two people, or among a group of people, are a kind of alchemy. They are the most interesting thing in life." ... "When relationships are determined by manipulation, by the need for control, they may... Continue Reading →
" ... it’s just a clear example of people not listening. They are just not listening. I want to say, “Read my lips. This is how I feel, and it is my experience. And it is my own, and it’s... Continue Reading →
Are you feeling an growing call towards greater harmony, beauty, and social artistry? Or are you noticing, or even mired in, their opposites -- disharmony, conflict, relational dysfunction -- which are seemingly over-abundant in the world right about now? I'll... Continue Reading →
"Time-based prophecies that kept me from living, in the moment I am struggling to trust the divinity ... " ~ Nahko Bear This is a wee bit of a rant, though mild as possible rant-ampage can go. In recent weeks,... Continue Reading →
Albert Einstein said that we can't solve the problems we face using the same mindset or consciousness that created the problems in the first place. Countless wisdom traditions have said as much -- that it takes a change of heart... Continue Reading →
When we think of grief ... or well, when we think of much of anything ... we might not consider the grief that we inherit along our ancestral lines, that's in our cells and bones. Nor might we consider what... Continue Reading →
Both of these Attitude Adjusters brought to you by Rob Brezsny's Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I've been enjoying yet another (re)visit with this perception-shifting gem -- it's... Continue Reading →
July 22 is the historical feast day of Mary Magdalene, so it's very fitting to share this updated post from the early days of Sophia's Children. Not that we need confine such celebrations and honorings to one day. After all,... Continue Reading →
“There’s no love for a poor man,” ahhh, now there’s a Google search term that just broke my heart. It isn’t true, you know, there is lots of love for a poor man, poor in riches, but well off in spirit. I married such a man, on purpose, and it was the best decision I ever made. He has a good heart and soul, comes from a large family, and built himself a business that has always kept food on the table and the lights on. How can I not admire such a man? He’s made something out of nothing. Besides having raised four kids, we’ve taken trips, gone camping, bought a house, had some great fun and good memories.
One of the best things about my job is that I get to work with a lot of widows and widowers and they tell me the most beautiful love stories…
One of the most popular series of posts, along with the Empaths & Sensitive Series, are my posts on the Black Madonna, Sophia, and the Mysteries of the deep, re-emerging Feminine. Many of the posts at Sophia's Children arise out... Continue Reading →
"A compassionate or loving consciousness has ancient roots, but it is taking on a new importance as our world becomes integrated ecologically, economically, and culturally." "Because we now share one another’s fate, it is increasingly clear that promoting the well-being... Continue Reading →
Yesterday we dove into flowing Piscean waters and the great sea (or Great She?) of being. So how about today we balance those elements and dry off a bit with some flame-tending and earth magic? I'm appreciating two beautiful musings... Continue Reading →
In this short video talk, Aleutian Elder, Ilarion (Larry) Merculieff speaks about the vital re-emergence of the Sacred Feminine, the long-ago prophecies and the ultimate effects of the cycle of "masculine imbalance," and the roles of women and men in... Continue Reading →
I love this post, and the music that Boštjan shares! It's really in sync with the current Energies of Now: We're in the dark moon just before the upcoming Aquarian new moon (the 2nd in the sign). The twin-set of... Continue Reading →
But it’s so relevant on a number of levels,reflecting some of the less savory interpersonal dynamics that are considered normal in our interpersonal experiences at home, at work, in the community — and even moreso with a variety of research studies showing a disconcerting rise in Narcissistic behavior over the last 10-15 years.
And Narci (Etc.) tactics are well-honed and very, very effective.
They can leave even the most centered, confident, skillful, aware, and ‘successful’ people feeling spin-cycled, fogged-out, confused, upset, ashamed, and ultimately, a mere shell of themselves (as one Narci-abuse survivor, in our conversation, phrased the effects of being in a relationship with such a person).
As Carrie Barron, M.D., writes in her Psychology Today article aimed at those who were targeted by Narci-Abusers:
“Recent findings indicate they take pleasure in successful manipulations. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport.”
In hindsight, those who became Narci-prey and were thus Narci-manipulated end up wondering, often with no small degree of internalized self-judgment and shame, “How the heck did that happen?”
Dr. Barron continues: “The transformation of a hopeful, can-do enthusiast into a dismal, wary withdrawer is a form of soul murder. But to those thus violated, take heart. Understanding the complexities of what/who you were dealing with might make you feel better.”
Even people who encounter some of the classic Narci-Abuser behaviors and tactics — if not full-tilt Malignant Narcissists or Socio/Psychopathic types — at work, at home, or in their communities (or online, for that matter), can benefit immensely from recognizing the tactic, becoming more aware, and stepping into more empowered choice rather than unconscious puppet-reaction.
So I wanted to share a couple of other links highlighting Shahida’s work from her Self-Care Haven blog.
She spotlights some of the specific toxic-tactics that, while normalized in a ‘tough love’, bully-centric culture, are actually abusive and harmful.
So it’s wise to have a look and be better able to recognize them as they come up, which gives us the option of practicing into more healthy, self-and-other respecting ways of relating (or choosing to disentangle from chronically disrespectful relationships).
I particularly appreciate that Shahida includes ‘Triangulation’ in her list of toxic-tactics to recognize, along with other common toxic-tactics like ‘gaslighting’ and ‘Hoovering’ (part of the recognized ‘stir and repeat’ Abuse Cycle), as Triangulation a common ploy and yet not as frequently noted.
In popular culture, the term “narcissistic” is thrown about quite loosely, usually referring to vanity and self-absorption. This reduces narcissism to a common quality that everyone possesses and downplays the symptoms demonstrated by people with the actual disorder. While narcissism does exist on a spectrum, narcissism as a full-fledged personality disorder is quite different.
People who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those who have traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder can operate in extremely manipulative ways within the context of intimate relationships due to their deceitfulness, lack of empathy and their tendency to be interpersonally exploitative. Although I will be focusing on narcissistic abusers in this post, due to the overlap of symptoms in these two disorders, this post can potentially apply to interactions with those who have ASPD to an extent.
It’s important in any kind of relationship that we learn to identify the red flags when interacting with people who display malignant narcissism and/or…
We learn and hear a lot of cliches about home - what it means, where it is, how we find it, when do we feel at home and when do we feel displaced, unmoored; what we do if our sense... Continue Reading →
"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or... Continue Reading →
This is an 'evergreen', timeless update from the Sophia's Children archives. Is there a deeper purpose and beauty in relationship than what we might have been conditioned to see? A deeper beauty and richness of possibility that has been obscured... Continue Reading →
"We are indeed at a critical juncture in human history. Our collective initiation from the love of power to the power of love is the motto of our time. In this time of global transformation, it is essential that we... Continue Reading →
"I believe that it's time to say our first relationship and responsibility is with the Creative Spirit." "Not to brand it, not to sell it, not to convince others with it, but to have a relation first and foremost where... Continue Reading →
Here is a beautiful and inspiring perspective from Satish Kumar on 'shallow ecology', 'deep ecology' and another possibility available to us. The same ways of seeing and being are available to us as we approach all of our relationships --... Continue Reading →
