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Sophia's Children

Living and Leading the Transformation.

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Sacred Relationship

Standing Together for Shared Values to Overcome Challenges

Happy New Year to you! In the previous post, I shared Pat McCabe's inspiring message about The Magic of Water (and Sacred Relationship). This is another musing about sacred relationship, water, and standing for the shared values that unite us.... Continue Reading →

The Wisdom of Water and Sacred Relationship

It's a fine time to sip from the deep well of inspiration and Wisdom, not just because we're in the Season of Lights and Twelve Days of Christmas, but also to re-inspire as we make the passage from one calendar... Continue Reading →

Dehumanizing Abuse of Power. And Rehumanizing …

“When power is used in a non-consensual situation, it is a wrong. Men who improperly harass or assault do not do so because they are gay or straight — that is a deflection. They do so because they have the... Continue Reading →

Indie-Spirit FYIs, Nuggets + Recommended Reads

Wild times, eh? And it's Independence Day (or week, or year?) here in the U.S. In such a large (just shy of 322-million people) and very diverse population as we have in many parts of the U.S., 'holidays' like this... Continue Reading →

Temenos: Being a Wise and Healing Sanctuary

"The work of Temenos could not be more important. Its commitment to fostering a wider awareness of the great spiritual traditions we have inherited from the past ... which form the basis of mankind's most civilised values..." "In the great... Continue Reading →

The Mind Can’t Recognize or Create …

“Mind can neither recognize nor create beauty. … Many people are so imprisoned in their minds that the beauty of nature does not really exist for them.” ~ Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. Here's a short musing from notes... Continue Reading →

Love, Belonging, Home, and Presence – John O’Donohue

There's a Fiery Phoenix (and Phoenixing update) musing brewing -- stay tuned. The recent and current 'energy weather' is fiery, and as we know (yawn), that always amps up the Hissy Fit, Tantrum Yoga & Psychic Spew potential. On a... Continue Reading →

Relationship Alchemy vs. Dreary Bickering

"The possibilities that exist between two people, or among a group of people, are a kind of alchemy. They are the most interesting thing in life." ... "When relationships are determined by manipulation, by the need for control, they may... Continue Reading →

Listening, Empathy and Shouted-Down Doubt

" ... it’s just a clear example of people not listening. They are just not listening. I want to say, “Read my lips. This is how I feel, and it is my experience. And it is my own, and it’s... Continue Reading →

The Beauty Way of Relating

Are you feeling an growing call towards greater harmony, beauty, and social artistry? Or are you noticing, or even mired in, their opposites -- disharmony, conflict, relational dysfunction -- which are seemingly over-abundant in the world right about now? I'll... Continue Reading →

Placebo Nocebo: Prediction and Word-Power

"Time-based prophecies that kept me from living, in the moment I am struggling to trust the divinity ... " ~ Nahko Bear This is a wee bit of a rant, though mild as possible rant-ampage can go. In recent weeks,... Continue Reading →

On Tipping Points and the Courage of Convictions

Albert Einstein said that we can't solve the problems we face using the same mindset or consciousness that created the problems in the first place. Countless wisdom traditions have said as much -- that it takes a change of heart... Continue Reading →

Grief: Ancestral Ghosts and Spirits of Place

When we think of grief ... or well, when we think of much of anything ... we might not consider the grief that we inherit along our ancestral lines, that's in our cells and bones. Nor might we consider what... Continue Reading →

Wildly Pronoiac Attitude Adjusters from the Babemba and Og

Both of these Attitude Adjusters brought to you by Rob Brezsny's Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I've been enjoying yet another (re)visit with this perception-shifting gem -- it's... Continue Reading →

Magdalene’s Feast Day – The Inner Way of Mary Magdalene (redux)

July 22 is the historical feast day of Mary Magdalene, so it's very fitting to share this updated post from the early days of Sophia's Children. Not that we need confine such celebrations and honorings to one day. After all,... Continue Reading →

“there’s no love for a poor man”

The Painter's Honeymoon, 1864, by Frederick, Lord Leighton. Public domain image from WikiMedia.
The Painter’s Honeymoon, 1864, by Frederick, Lord Leighton. Public domain image from WikiMedia.

A really beautiful post about valuing what’s actually valuable — in general, and in each other.

What’s truly of worth and value can get a bit lost in the consumption-oriented, materialistic culture.

So it was lovely to read this heartful reminder. Enjoy.

Big Love,
Jamie

See, there's this thing called biology...

“There’s no love for a poor man,” ahhh, now there’s a Google search term that just broke my heart. It isn’t true, you know, there is lots of love for a poor man, poor in riches, but well off in spirit. I married such a man, on purpose, and it was the best decision I ever made. He has a good heart and soul, comes from a large family, and built himself a business that has always kept food on the table and the lights on. How can I not admire such a man? He’s made something out of nothing. Besides having raised four kids, we’ve taken trips, gone camping, bought a house, had some great fun and good memories.

One of the best things about my job is that I get to work with a lot of widows and widowers and they tell me the most beautiful love stories…

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The Black Madonna & the Mysteries of the Deep Feminine Series – a New Page at Sophia’s Children

One of the most popular series of posts, along with the Empaths & Sensitive Series, are my posts on the Black Madonna, Sophia, and the Mysteries of the deep, re-emerging Feminine. Many of the posts at Sophia's Children arise out... Continue Reading →

Love, Spring, and the Golden Rule

"A compassionate or loving consciousness has ancient roots, but it is taking on a new importance as our world becomes integrated ecologically, economically, and culturally." "Because we now share one another’s fate, it is increasingly clear that promoting the well-being... Continue Reading →

Tending the Heart-Fire, and The Space (and Place) You’re In

Yesterday we dove into flowing Piscean waters and the great sea (or Great She?) of being. So how about today we balance those elements and dry off a bit with some flame-tending and earth magic? I'm appreciating two beautiful musings... Continue Reading →

The Sacred Feminine: A Teaching by Aleutian Elder Ilarion Merculieff

In this short video talk, Aleutian Elder, Ilarion (Larry) Merculieff speaks about the vital re-emergence of the Sacred Feminine, the long-ago prophecies and the ultimate effects of the cycle of "masculine imbalance," and the roles of women and men in... Continue Reading →

Breath of life

I love this post, and the music that Boštjan shares! It's really in sync with the current Energies of Now: We're in the dark moon just before the upcoming Aquarian new moon (the 2nd in the sign). The twin-set of... Continue Reading →

The Ways Narcissists Get Inside Your Head – from Self-Care Haven

My Bad Hair Day, by Anissa Bryant, April 2013. Generously shared in the public domain.
My Bad Hair Day, by Anissa Bryant, April 2013. Generously shared in the public domain.

I linked to Shahida Arabi’s excellent “Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Headin my Sophia’s Children post on “When Withholding is a Toxic Tactic” (part of the ongoing Resources for Empaths & Sensitives Series).

But it’s so relevant on a number of levels, reflecting some of the less savory interpersonal dynamics that are considered normal in our interpersonal experiences at home, at work, in the community — and even moreso with a variety of research studies showing a disconcerting rise in Narcissistic behavior over the last 10-15 years.

And Narci (Etc.) tactics are well-honed and very, very effective.

They can leave even the most centered, confident, skillful, aware, and ‘successful’ people feeling spin-cycled, fogged-out, confused, upset, ashamed, and ultimately, a mere shell of themselves (as one Narci-abuse survivor, in our conversation, phrased the effects of being in a relationship with such a person).

As Carrie Barron, M.D., writes in her Psychology Today article aimed at those who were targeted by Narci-Abusers:

“Recent findings indicate they take pleasure in successful manipulations. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport.”

In hindsight, those who became Narci-prey and were thus Narci-manipulated end up wondering, often with no small degree of internalized self-judgment and shame, “How the heck did that happen?”

Dr. Barron continues: “The transformation of a hopeful, can-do enthusiast into a dismal, wary withdrawer is a form of soul murder. But to those thus violated, take heart. Understanding the complexities of what/who you were dealing with might make you feel better.”

Even people who encounter some of the classic Narci-Abuser behaviors and tactics — if not full-tilt Malignant Narcissists or Socio/Psychopathic types — at work, at home, or in their communities (or online, for that matter), can benefit immensely from recognizing the tactic, becoming more aware, and stepping into more empowered choice rather than unconscious puppet-reaction.

So I wanted to share a couple of other links highlighting Shahida’s work from her Self-Care Haven blog.

She spotlights some of the specific toxic-tactics that, while normalized in a ‘tough love’, bully-centric culture, are actually abusive and harmful.

So it’s wise to have a look and be better able to recognize them as they come up, which gives us the option of practicing into more healthy, self-and-other respecting ways of relating (or choosing to disentangle from chronically disrespectful relationships).

I particularly appreciate that Shahida includes ‘Triangulation’ in her list of toxic-tactics to recognize, along with other common toxic-tactics like ‘gaslighting’ and ‘Hoovering’ (part of the recognized ‘stir and repeat’ Abuse Cycle), as Triangulation a common ploy and yet not as frequently noted.

Find another of Shahida’s Narci-Awareness posts here: 20 NarciPath Tactics to Be Aware of (and awareness is empowering)

https://sophias-children.com/2017/02/24/oh-those-narcipaths-shahidas-20-narci-tactics/

Check out Shahida’s most recent Self-Care Haven post: 5 Powerful Reality Checks for Survivors of Narci-Abuse.

Thanks to Shahida, and to you, my very dear and much-appreciated readers and fellow empaths and Sophia-kindred-spirits!

Big Love,
Jamie

Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

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In popular culture, the term “narcissistic” is thrown about quite loosely, usually referring to vanity and self-absorption. This reduces narcissism to a common quality that everyone possesses and downplays the symptoms demonstrated by people with the actual disorder. While narcissism does exist on a spectrum, narcissism as a full-fledged personality disorder is quite different.

People who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those who have traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder  can operate in extremely manipulative ways within the context of intimate relationships due to their deceitfulness, lack of empathy and their tendency to be interpersonally exploitative. Although I will be focusing on narcissistic abusers in this post, due to the overlap of symptoms in these two disorders, this post can potentially apply to interactions with those who have ASPD to an extent.

It’s important in any kind of relationship that we learn to identify the red flags when interacting with people who display malignant narcissism and/or…

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Home and the Radar of Your Heart

We learn and hear a lot of cliches about home - what it means, where it is, how we find it, when do we feel at home and when do we feel displaced, unmoored; what we do if our sense... Continue Reading →

Believing or Diminishing Mirrors – What Gets Reflected Back?

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or... Continue Reading →

The Hidden Beauty (and Spirit) in Relationships

This is an 'evergreen', timeless update from the Sophia's Children archives. Is there a deeper purpose and beauty in relationship than what we might have been conditioned to see? A deeper beauty and richness of possibility that has been obscured... Continue Reading →

Artists Envisioning the Divine Feminine

"We are indeed at a critical juncture in human history. Our collective initiation from the love of power to the power of love is the motto of our time. In this time of global transformation, it is essential that we... Continue Reading →

Conversation Not Critique

"I believe that it's time to say our first relationship and responsibility is with the Creative Spirit." "Not to brand it, not to sell it, not to convince others with it, but to have a relation first and foremost where... Continue Reading →

Freyja Day: Shallow Ecology, Deep Ecology … and One More

Here is a beautiful and inspiring perspective from Satish Kumar on 'shallow ecology', 'deep ecology' and another possibility available to us. The same ways of seeing and being are available to us as we approach all of our relationships --... Continue Reading →

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