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Sophia's Children

Living and Leading the Transformation.

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Narcissists Sociopaths and Other Toxic Types

Dehumanizing Abuse of Power. And Rehumanizing …

“When power is used in a non-consensual situation, it is a wrong. Men who improperly harass or assault do not do so because they are gay or straight — that is a deflection. They do so because they have the... Continue Reading →

Oh Those NarciPaths – Shahida’s “20 Narci Tactics”

I'd usually just reblog this one, but the reblog format is funky. So I'm just going to say this: Shahida Arabi, via her Self-Care Haven blog, recently posted an excellent summary of 20 often-used Bully and NarciPath tactics. I shared... Continue Reading →

The Threat at My Door and Wild Grace Arising

It’s a record, I think, for me to have been away from Sophia’s Children (and, for the most part,  “radio silence” from the internet altogether) this long. There’s a reason for that -- threats at the door, literally, and super-quick... Continue Reading →

BlogShare: Who We Invite to Tea – From Janet at M+M blog

I appreciated the collection of musings and blog-shares that artist and fellow blog-sister Janet Chui shared in her blog post. Janet gathered up a few of her favorite web-finds and musings of recent days, and the selection includes an invocation... Continue Reading →

Leaning Into Your Strengths – Empaths and Sensitives Series

Here's the latest article in the Empaths & Sensitives Series here at Sophia's Children. This one takes a look at a couple of ways that Empath-Sensitives can "live into their strengths" and gain more mastery over the gifts, while being more aware and skillful in the face of the challenges of being an Empathic-Sensitive in a loud and often bully- and Narcipath-favoring culture.

Empaths, Energy Hazards, and Restorative Practices

It seems like a fine time for an update and re-feature of this ‘evergreen’ topic!

Big Love (and Be Well),
Jamie

Sophia's Children

Storm and lightning
photo from NOAA

[I wrote and published the original post way back on August 28, 2012, and have updated it several times a year since, including late-September 2015 … because yes, it’s a timeless “new normal” topic in our wild-energy times!]

The energies have really been swirling and whirling again, and there is more ‘energetic unsettlement’ underway.

Have you been feeling it?

If you’re an empath or ‘energy sensitive’ — a minority percentage of any population who is naturally ‘wired’ to pick up on subtle energies — the answer is probably a definitive ‘Yes!’ I know that’s been the case for me.

In various energy alchemy and insight-checkin or even visioning sessions with clients, I regularly notice that the energy field in general was intermittently either more chaotic or the opposite, more flat-line, than I’ve seen and sensed it in a long while.

No wonder we might be

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The Ways Narcissists Get Inside Your Head – from Self-Care Haven

My Bad Hair Day, by Anissa Bryant, April 2013. Generously shared in the public domain.
My Bad Hair Day, by Anissa Bryant, April 2013. Generously shared in the public domain.

I linked to Shahida Arabi’s excellent “Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Headin my Sophia’s Children post on “When Withholding is a Toxic Tactic” (part of the ongoing Resources for Empaths & Sensitives Series).

But it’s so relevant on a number of levels, reflecting some of the less savory interpersonal dynamics that are considered normal in our interpersonal experiences at home, at work, in the community — and even moreso with a variety of research studies showing a disconcerting rise in Narcissistic behavior over the last 10-15 years.

And Narci (Etc.) tactics are well-honed and very, very effective.

They can leave even the most centered, confident, skillful, aware, and ‘successful’ people feeling spin-cycled, fogged-out, confused, upset, ashamed, and ultimately, a mere shell of themselves (as one Narci-abuse survivor, in our conversation, phrased the effects of being in a relationship with such a person).

As Carrie Barron, M.D., writes in her Psychology Today article aimed at those who were targeted by Narci-Abusers:

“Recent findings indicate they take pleasure in successful manipulations. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport.”

In hindsight, those who became Narci-prey and were thus Narci-manipulated end up wondering, often with no small degree of internalized self-judgment and shame, “How the heck did that happen?”

Dr. Barron continues: “The transformation of a hopeful, can-do enthusiast into a dismal, wary withdrawer is a form of soul murder. But to those thus violated, take heart. Understanding the complexities of what/who you were dealing with might make you feel better.”

Even people who encounter some of the classic Narci-Abuser behaviors and tactics — if not full-tilt Malignant Narcissists or Socio/Psychopathic types — at work, at home, or in their communities (or online, for that matter), can benefit immensely from recognizing the tactic, becoming more aware, and stepping into more empowered choice rather than unconscious puppet-reaction.

So I wanted to share a couple of other links highlighting Shahida’s work from her Self-Care Haven blog.

She spotlights some of the specific toxic-tactics that, while normalized in a ‘tough love’, bully-centric culture, are actually abusive and harmful.

So it’s wise to have a look and be better able to recognize them as they come up, which gives us the option of practicing into more healthy, self-and-other respecting ways of relating (or choosing to disentangle from chronically disrespectful relationships).

I particularly appreciate that Shahida includes ‘Triangulation’ in her list of toxic-tactics to recognize, along with other common toxic-tactics like ‘gaslighting’ and ‘Hoovering’ (part of the recognized ‘stir and repeat’ Abuse Cycle), as Triangulation a common ploy and yet not as frequently noted.

Find another of Shahida’s Narci-Awareness posts here: 20 NarciPath Tactics to Be Aware of (and awareness is empowering)

https://sophias-children.com/2017/02/24/oh-those-narcipaths-shahidas-20-narci-tactics/

Check out Shahida’s most recent Self-Care Haven post: 5 Powerful Reality Checks for Survivors of Narci-Abuse.

Thanks to Shahida, and to you, my very dear and much-appreciated readers and fellow empaths and Sophia-kindred-spirits!

Big Love,
Jamie

Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

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In popular culture, the term “narcissistic” is thrown about quite loosely, usually referring to vanity and self-absorption. This reduces narcissism to a common quality that everyone possesses and downplays the symptoms demonstrated by people with the actual disorder. While narcissism does exist on a spectrum, narcissism as a full-fledged personality disorder is quite different.

People who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those who have traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder  can operate in extremely manipulative ways within the context of intimate relationships due to their deceitfulness, lack of empathy and their tendency to be interpersonally exploitative. Although I will be focusing on narcissistic abusers in this post, due to the overlap of symptoms in these two disorders, this post can potentially apply to interactions with those who have ASPD to an extent.

It’s important in any kind of relationship that we learn to identify the red flags when interacting with people who display malignant narcissism and/or…

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Empaths+Sensitives Series: When ‘Withholding’ is a Toxic Tactic

That's right. Withholding as a toxic-normal interpersonal tactic. The proverbial simmering silent treatment or cold shoulder that leaves us (or others) wondering what the heck happened, what we did wrong (even if we didn't actually do anything wrong and sort... Continue Reading →

Resources for Empaths and Sensitives Series

Ahhh, to be an actual, 'just wired that way' Empath -- One who is naturally made to be more sensitive to the energy currents (subtle and not-so-subtle), including the thoughts and  emotions wafting and swirling around us at any given moment.... Continue Reading →

Empaths & Sensitives Series – Leveling [Part 3]

[This is Part 3 of the ongoing 'Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives' series. If you haven't already, you'll want to read the intro article first - you'll find it here. The second post in this series shared more on these types of dynamics... Continue Reading →

Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives: Offloads, Energy Vamps, and Other Occupational Hazards [Part 2]

[This is Part 2 following the initial post for this particular 'Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives' series. You may wish to read that intro post first - you'll find it here.] In the Wisdom for Empaths & Sensitives intro-article, I emphasized... Continue Reading →

Resources for Empaths and Sensitives: Unveiling Offloads, Energy Vamps and Other Occupational Hazards [Part 1]

Welcome to the Resources for Empaths & Sensitives Series introductory post. As is the case with much of my writing and mentor-coaching, this series grew out of my own personal experience, as well as what I saw and learned over... Continue Reading →

“You’re too sensitive!” Not.

"You're too sensitive!" I heard that all the time while I was growing up, and have heard it on occasion since. I've heard it said to others, too, and know peeps who heard it as well. Like many who are... Continue Reading →

Be(A)ware of tantrums, outbursts, hissy fits, and offloads

Yes, we continue to navigate the ongoing Touchy Tantrum Zone that accompanies times of intense energies, archetypal pinches, and overall Big Transformation cycles. Perhaps you've felt it? Or maybe you've noticed it (or have been psychically vomited on ... see... Continue Reading →

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